Poor Start...

Well, so much for updating regularly.

Life is alreet - not really awesome at the moment seeing as work is hard. Understaffed and unprepared, M&S is hard work for once - and the heat doesn't help. Only been there a week and one day! Once I start getting paid I'm sure it'll be better - and with any luck more people will be there.

Home's been good - I've liked the calmness of being at home and knowing I'm here now. Think it's called feeling settled. I haven't seen much at all of mates, which is rather shit. Then again, I'm deprived of the car until mum puts me back on the insurance, and I need to be earning to have that! It's all down to the money...

...which brings me to my latest purchase. Despite not having much cash, and despite there being a million other things I could spend cash on, I bought an Xbox 360. Before you shout "OVERDRAWN" I feel it's prudent to add that dad gave me and Soph some of his redundancy money - that's what I've bought with it.

Speaking of dad - think he's doing alright at home so far. Time will tell, but he's slowly starting to clear stuff up and sort things out, which will be a gradual yet important process. Fingers crossed he gets another job soon, I think he misses the structure a bit!

Anyway - I'm going to try and deal with this insane heat now, which may or may not work...

I'm back baby!

I deleted the blog again - I've done this a lot over the last few years, and I apologise for doing it once more. I think it was as a result of the dissertation - I had a massive clean-up of internet-related stuff, but that doesn't matter. I'm back now!

Two months since last post - I've finished uni now. Dissertation went in, got it back and got 57, which I wasn't particularly happy with. Never mind though, it's a pass! Still on for a 2:1 regardless.

I had my last ever exam the other day - and now I'm done here. This time next week I'll be coming home for good. And how does it feel?

WEIRD.

I feel like three years has not been three years. I feel like I could live here forever with everyone and live the student life for life. I already feel sad about leaving it all behind.

But I realise life goes on, and that university is not a full-time, lifelong endeavour. As much as I might want it to, I can't make it last for all time, though I can regret not doing things for as long as I want to.

I think I'm ready to go home now though, despite all this. It'll be nice to have stability, a purpose and the ability to not have take-aways all the damn time. I guess that you just can't have too much of a good thing!

Anyway, enough moping about that. I'm sorted for work at M&S all summer, five hours a day five days a week which is a tidy 160 quid. Without rent to pay on a uni house I'll have oodles left over for myself, and perhaps more importantly, the job hunt has begun...

I've applied for a few, and this morning just applied for one that would pay me for writing essays. Pay for WRITING. If I can get that (it's freelance as well) then I tell you - I would be chuffed. £40 quid for writing a thousand words? Yes please.

I trust that everyone's good at the moment, and I'm sure that I'll see you in the summer at home.

God that feels weird to say that, knowing that I'll still be there come September...

Easter, easter, easter time! Time to sit back and...write dissertations.

Well, it's been over a month, so time for another update from yours truly!

I'm home for a month - which so far has been really good. I'd been at uni for three months without coming back - and I hadn't done that before, so it was weird coming home. Not that I prefer one over the other - it's just that I won't be going back to one soon, and will be living in the other for the foreseeable future!

Anxiety news - it still crops up now and then but I've detected positive changes in my personality that can only be as a result of this medication. It's so much better than it was before I started on these meds - and hopefully the time will come soon when I don't need them any more. The presentation I talked about went fine - I went first though, so with the next one (the first week back) I will be second or third and with a great deal more to say - fingers crossed eh!

I've applied for some writing jobs online, and signed up to seemingly every careers site - so no-one can say I'm not ignoring the gaping maw of the future. At least I'm doing something eh! It's worrying to think I'll have to work soon - but at the same time it'll beat spending money that's not mine and having to pay it back to the government.

Dad's work situation looks better - he's definitely out of the job come June, but it looks as if he'll get paid a retirement payment and a redundancy one, as well as his pension starting. All in all, it's the best of a bad situation so I'm slightly happier. It's not all sorted yet though so watch this space...

I've really enjoyed this final semester - all the work just appeals more, and perhaps that's my choice of course units. Or maybe it's because I'm concious that I don't have long left there - sad to think about but necessary to remember anyway. Dissertation's really looking great now - had a minor freak-out when I found out that footnotes counted in the wordcount, but I've managed to condense it whilst still maintaining the strength of the argument. Just sent my supervisor another draft, so hopefully I'll have it done and can get it bound before the end of easter - 'cos if I leave that til I get back then it'll be HELL - Southampton's English students seem to have this tendency of leaving everything til the last minute!

So now what're my plans? I'm gonna get as much work done as I can today and tomorrow, and then Soph comes home - going to pick her up, and it's dad's birthday so should be good. The next three weeks will probably be a mix of pub trips, nights out and uni work - not all that bad.

Hope everyone else has a good easter - probably will update when I'm back at uni!

Almost a month on...

Well, this monthly update seems to keep occurring so why not continue in that vein? Life is better - the tablets have allowed me to cope in most of my lectures and seminars (if I'm in the middle of a row I get seriously freaked!) and hopefully with more time I'll cope in them too. Everyday life is better - I can go into Portswood and not feel like this, I went into town last weekend and felt fine there. It appears to be making a difference, and for that I am happy. Have to do a presentation in the seminar this morning, but then I am on first, and only have to read one page's worth of stuff. Should be fine but I'll let you know how it goes!

Film reviews? More have been done, seeing way more movies due to my course so I'm increasing the portfolio steadily. I applied for work experience at Total Film, one of my favourite magazines, but haven't heard anything back yet, and if by the weekend after next I haven't heard then I've been unlucky - oh well!!

I really do need to try and drum up some experience when I finish though - worst time to be graduating and all, so I'll need to focus intently on that. My dad's just been told that his job is going, he's hopefully going to be given another in the same place so we're keeping our fingers crossed - it would mean disaster for them if mum is the only one working, but at least I'll be back working and able to help them out.

Course? Very good at the moment, these two units are great and wholly engrossing, and I see my dissertation supervisor this week so here's hoping that I get some good feedback - I haven't done anything on it for a month since I handed in a draft to her, and we have to hand in a completed draft (ie with a conclusion) by next Friday, so fingers crossed...

All in all, things are better at the moment - it's not going to be an easy few months, finishing uni, leaving Southampton and all - but then it's not going to be an easy life once I'm home, no matter how I try to convince myself that it could be. The only thing you can do when faced with a global situation like this is just knuckle down and do what you can - I'm not going to be a lazy wanker who sits at home and doesn't work. But I do hope that I can actually get myself a job in what I enjoy, rather than being stuck in something else for years.

What's going down...

I thought I'd update this blog as the Flux Film one seems to have surpassed in posts, an interesting achievement!

Well...been back three weeks, and it's easy (this part anyway). I've literally just sat around doing nothing for the last two weeks, nothing including work and revision (which I started late but am relatively comfortable with). It's great to be able to do that, especially after an Xmas where I worked about 2/3rds of the time!

Review-wise I seem to have gone into overdrive (look at Flux Film). Been writing for a book-related review site, Completely Novel, and that's been a great experience. I'm not sure if they want me any more, haven't heard anything for a while but I wouldn't mind continuing my work with them - it's good experience and great CV wise. I guess I'm a little worried given the job climate at the moment, but my intention on going home in the summer is to start off at M&S or a part-time job, moving on to something closer to what I want to do when I've done some voluntary experience (if anyone knows anyone press-related/web-related, please could you let me know. I'd love to get some experience at a paper, or online, with an eye obviously for a permanent job in reviewing! One thing's for sure: the next year is going to be incredibly formative in my life.

Speaking of which: Nervousness/anxiety update...the beta-blockers (as the doctor puts it, the weaker initial treatment) have quite honestly ceased to be effective, and as a result even simple things like going to Iceland five minutes away make me feel nervous. I get annoyed with it because it seems to impair my ability to go anywhere, unless I'm on a bike (weird eh!). It's so bizarre - I mean it does constrict what I do with my life, which some people would see as angering or depressing, but I guess I'm lucky that my relatively (read RIDICULOUSLY) lazy lifestyle kinda syncs with it.

At the root of things, I would like it to go away so I could get on a bus or in a car without feeling like I might wet myself. The shame you feel I can't even begin to explain - you think 'I don't even need to go!' or 'I JUST WENT!' but the mind is a powerful thing - don't underestimate it. Simply put: I am getting fed up of it, but at the same time it's better than it was without medication - the entirety of the summer I still can't believe I made it through!

So now I've been back to the doctors, and was told CbT (what I wanted) is booked up till June - woah. I've been put on anti-depressants called Citalopram, and let me tell you this: never look up medication on the internet. It will only scare you more about taking it. The side effects are very numerous, and many people online seem to want you not to have them. I was ambivalent - meaning, I wasn't sure about starting them until after my exam on Monday, but I thought what the hell. I want this anxiety gone - and hopefully in a month or so, it won't be crushing me quite so much.

Bit long and arduous to read, I apologise. But this is a pretty significant thing. Hell, it's nearly a year since it started affecting me, so hopefully it will subside with the anti-deps. Would be nice to start doing everything I want without worrying about needing to find a toilet!

Hope everyone else is alright at the moment. Nice to read the blogs and Twitters to see what's going on!

A month since last we spoke...

...and Xmas was good! I worked, got a lot of money for it, and chilled out at home. I saw everyone (nearly) that I wanted to, and enjoyed the time off. Now I'm back, and have got at least a month of doing sweet FA until I start off again.

I bought Guitar Hero World Tour...and it's taking over my life, particularly with the help of others in the band mode! I've been writing for a book reviewing website, even having articles published on their blog, and hopefully should continue with this.

I've got one exam, at the end of the month, and am preparing revision for it now. Second semester is beckoning, and dissertation will be given the most attention - it's lagging a bit, but with a new supervisor, who I think will be more helpful than the last, it's looking up a bit.

I won't leave it as long next time, but you know how it is when you're just enjoying life enough not to be online blogging about it!

Life is irritating

At the moment I feel a great resentment towards nothing/no-one in particular. I'm just so annoyed with so many little (and big) things that I just feel...well, ARGH.

I'm feeling so much pressure at the moment, and from myself more than anything else. I'm careful with money, and then everyone tells me I should enjoy myself more. I try to enjoy myself more, but this GODDAMN nervousness is always, always there to stop me having too much fun. I've got repeat prescription now, so I should be able to take the beta-blockers for longer, but today I had one of the worst experiences since I went on them a month ago. I hate it so, SO much, and it doesn't seem to be leaving.

Women are problematic and a large part too. When you're surrounded by couples and attractive women, and you're 21, without anything, ANYTHING, you start to get angry. It's all down to me, it will always be, but try as I might I can't change my personality that much - I'm too lazy and too scared of rejection. But then I want a girlfriend, nay, a relationship, SO much that it's driving me mad.

But what annoys me most is doing all this work, and worrying about my future. No-one else seems to be as much as me, and it all adds and enflames the nervousness to a ridiculous degree. When I look back and see how good my life was before, and see the experiences I had which I struggle through now, it makes me so upset to think that I've developed this anxiety.

I think all I can do now is just tough out these last two weeks, do the work I need to do, and then Xmas. At least at home (and with work) I will be so busy as to not be able to think about this too much - but I really need something good, something SIGNIFICANT to happen to me, and soon!

Essays

The two essays to have done by next Monday are done. And I'm proud of them, makes a change! Love getting work done earlier than it should be, what a sense of satisfaction. Now to get back to the dissertation...GULP.

This is actually a reading week of sorts, which is cool. By that I mean I have one unit off and the other remains, but with six hours in uni a week, I only really get to have off two. Which is pathetic, but does give me the whole day rather than an interrupted one.

My grandparents are coming down on Friday, which will be cool. Will be nice to see them, as I haven't since I came back. Haven't even been home yet...but mum's been keeping in enough contact to suggest that I'm missed! Funny thing is that it took two years, but I feel totally comfortable away from home now, and I miss uni when at home. Perhaps a Masters should be in consideration really...I don't honestly know what to do.

I guess I need to keep on going with the reviews, and try and get some experience on a paper. Then I might get a better idea of what the hell I'm gonna do this time next year and beyond!

Thank goodness - a new day has come!

It's so nice to wake up to the news that Obama won. It speaks volumes in so many ways that he's now U.S. President...my only regret is that I didn't stay up to watch it, or go to the pub where it was on!

How brilliant a generation we live in where racism has been so subjugated that a black man, descended from Kenyans, becomes the most powerful man on the planet. You can hardly believe that the U.S. has come this far, but here's hoping that change comes not just there, but world-wide.

I'm genuinely excited to see what he can do over the next four years (and in particular what he does on the credit crunch and Iraq), and how much one man, not white, can achieve as president of the most influential and powerful country on the planet.

A fantastic day...so far

I've said this before, but sometimes you get all the luck on a given day, for no particular reason.  I woke up to find out that my Incredible Hulk review had made it into the uni paper, my second review printed! I checked my emails, and found that on Suite 101 (a freelance journalism site I'm part of), my first article had been published! All was good, but then I found out there was a media event day on Sat at uni, where people from all forms of media would be, and having not gone to any careers events, I snapped up a ticket to this one, instantly feeling better that I'm actually doing something constructive career and post-uni wise.

And the best thing is...I made through a lecture, a two hour lecture, without the anxiety.  The meds are taking effect, and I was able to fully and competently pay attention, much to my own satisfaction!  The only thing left to do today is go and talk over an essay with my tutor, an essay I've done nearly two weeks in advance.

So really, unless my essay is eviscerated (and I've got two weeks left to fix that, what would be the issue!), my day will have been awesome.  If Obama can (and rightfully should) win the election, it will cap my week entirely.

I don't want to make anyone feel that I'm gloating though.  These days are fantastic when they come around and I'm just glad that I've motivated myself to do things for myself, and they seem to have paid off!!

So damn cold

Being inspired by Dan's chilly tale of woe in Reading, I too want to express the hellish weather in Southampton.

I'm sat in my room, the smallest in the house (and you would think, therefore, the warmest) yet I'm wearing frickin' shoes, a hoodie and a fleece trying my best to stay warm.  It's insane.  October's never normally this cold, is it?!

Hope the cold snap goes soon.  Going to uni on the bike is not easy anyway, but with the cold weather it's even damn worse!

How is it for everyone else? I saw the snow up in Staffs Jon - and obviously know about you Dan!  How is it for anyone else? If anyone else does read this lol!

Grr...essays

Got two essays in on the same day in three weeks time. 5,000 words between them. And I can't start them, the motivation is not there yet!

Grr.

Hopefully sorted...?

I went to the doctors again, as the anxiety has been worse this week in my lectures. I'm back on the beta-b's again, which I'm happy about, because this time I know I'll be going back to the doctors in a month as well as actually get the chance to see if they work. I'm not too worried after having them before, I just hope they work this time. It feels weird having to take medication for this, but then at the same time they did say that it's common among students to have this issue, so I don't feel too bad!

Anyway, thought I'd talk about this, seeing as it's something that could change how I live my life at the moment for the better. Not having to worry in all these situations (uni, buses, work) will obviously improve the way I'm feeling. Hopefully they'll help get rid of it for good this time.

Workin' hard

For once. Got loads done today, absolutely loads. Feel like I want to stop now but I guess I should probably keep going. Cannot believe how productive one day's worth of work can actually be even with the internet as distraction!

Lots yet to look forward to and lots more to be afraid/nervous about. Third week in, seven left to Xmas. Scary, SCARY stuff.

:-S

Update

Well it's the beginning of the second week back, and it's gone ok so far. I've seriously neglected any semblance of dissertation work (through a combination of laziness and outright fear) but that will change today.  I've got a supervisor as well so I should probably book an appointment with them soon.

Life? It's good. The first week back here was excellent, nothing to do but laze around and then it was my birthday, of which I can remember little (well, the night before).  The day itself was spent hanging over, as Facebook will show you.  Maria came down, and it was so awesome to have someone from home as well as the uni lot. I had a very good 21st in summary!

Other things...the nervy-attacks haven't been so bad at uni this first week, so here's hoping they're even less damaging this week, and I can perhaps start to move away from them at last.

Eight weeks left, three assignments in that time as well, and about eight more books to read (probably less, but I'm not sure!).  It's going well so far, and if I can get my arse in gear, it might go even better.

The film reviewing has kinda dried up, only because I haven't seen anything new lately! The paper is really relaxed, so I guess I might send in a DVD review and hope that it would be put in.  Or download or go and see another new movie (though there's shit all out, so that could be a problem!).

Hope everyone else is alright, seem to be from your blogs but will ask anyway!

Till next time...see ya!

Hmm...

Things are strange at the moment. I don't mean to be cryptic, but it's more than clear that what I say on the internet is being spread around and made known, which makes it hard for me to actually say how I feel.  Some massive changes are going to happen in some areas of my life, and I'm not feeling too sad about them when perhaps I should.  But then that's just the way I have to deal with this particular situation.

What it really breaks down to is how is the situation making me feel? Have I had about enough? Yes. Is it time to do something? Yes.  Is it a good thing? In the long run, I think it might be, but at the moment it's hard to deal with in a way.

Going back on Saturday, looking forward to getting back into it all, and getting some work done.  I've gone over the dissertation again and again, and I think now I know what I'm definitely going to do.  Wish I'd done this earlier in the summer though.

This is so cryptic (well, maybe, depends how much people have heard from other sources) but it has to be.  I'm not sure how honest I can be online anymore, every time I reach out someone sees and I get shit for it.  This shouldn't be the case, it wouldn't be if I was writing a diary, but this isn't a diary.  This is how I reach out, and it's abused by some of the very people I'm reaching out to.

I'm not deleting another blog; no way.  Hopefully soon I'll be able to say how I truly feel, but at the moment it's perhaps best for me to steer away from honest blogs!

Ridiculous

Twitter will no longer be used by me, as I fear it can be read by other people, or people who are reading it are the ones who shouldn't...or maybe people who are reading it are telling other people about what I've put on there.

Regardless, it's no more.

Bored

I seem to be bored all the time now, with only two and a half weeks left of the holiday. I'm done at M&S, but the money seems to have evaporated already, with rent to pay and the last weeks of the hol approaching.

I really need to crack on with the dissertation, particularly after hearing that someone from home has already done drafts of theirs! It's from a totally different course, but still...

The film reviewing's fallen a little by the wayside, but my Hancock review has been taken enthusiastically by the uni paper and will be printed in the fresher's edition. I only hope that I can write one for them every month: that would be excellent experience on top of what I've already done, and perhaps I can ask a website of the many that I read if I could get reviews written there.

Pretty much what I can constitute as an update now, I'm going to London tomorrow with my uni mates which should be awesome.

Will blog again soon!

I keep talking about it but...

...you guys should join www.wikpik.com, and review some films. Just to give it a try, 'cos I feel like it would be really interesting to anyone. If you do join up, enter the number 419 if you're prompted (it's my membership number, gets me good press!). You don't even have to write anything, you can just drag a counter to the score you want to give. It's up to you guys, but I reckon you'd find it a really good way of passing time when bored!

Thanks for your comments on the reviews I've done. I'm gonna write a Hancock one this weekend, and submit that to the uni paper I think. That, or Hellboy 2, which I really wanna see now!

You asked for it, and I have provided...

There you go Dan! And now everyone can enjoy film reviews, when I get round to doing them!

life is...ok?

Since last I bloggeth, I've really just worked, with the odd night out or night at pub in the mix.

On the uni front, the dissertation needs a lot of work done before I go back, which I guess is good seeing as I have three weeks between finishing at M&S and going back to So'ton.

Soph got into uni - Northampton to do Media. I'm dead proud of her, and the pre-uni jitters are kicking off right now.

I'm really beginning to see film reviewing as a possible career, and in a phone call with my uncle, I was reminded that Mark Kermode (crazy film critic from BBC 2) is in a band with one of my lecturers (and, to my surprise, is married to another!).

So I'm going to email my lecturer and ask him for advice and Mr. Kermode's email addy. Asking questions and advice of such a famous critic would be invaluable, and hopefully I can get some awesome feedback. I've gotten more praise for reviews on the site I've been writing for, and emailed the uni paper in a fit of pride! They need reviews and reviewers, and so there's some experience I can chalk up right there.

I feel really quite optimistic about this - it could prove to be awesome, given the people I could seek advice from in particular! The fact that I love watching films, and enjoy writing about them is probably something that would work in my favour, so fingers crossed.

The nervousness is in subsidence (I think). I still get it in situations where I don't feel I'm totally in control. The fact that Liz will be in a lot of the same things as me this year fills me with confidence - a friendly face will make it that much better, and hopefully I can beat this crap sooner rather than later.

At the moment my biggest hope is that people can get on. Too many mutual friends have become distanced through disputing, and I just wish it would stop, but I don't know. Life's too short really isn't it?

I think that's about it for the time being. Hope people are generally alright at the moment, can't believe third year's a'comin'. Scary times people, scary times!

Meh

I feel like shit today. Not just because I'm hungover, but I watched a good film with a dark ending (Road to Perdition). Lame eh? There was other stuff pissing me off, but as the blog's gonna be public again, off it goes.

On the plus side, I got a really nice email from the guy who runs WikPik, where I post film reviews. He said that mine were better than his, and that he was jealous of my last review. It was really nice to have done something I enjoyed doing and getting both appreciation and a sense of achievement from it. Hopefully I can channel this and use it to force through a career in it, because I really hope that I could.

Life is up then down a lot at the moment, and much of that is down to me. But I enjoy the up times, and I wish they were more often. I can only presume that for the rest of my life, there'll be many more down days than before.

Sorry to be so morose, but I needed to make clear how I feel.

Been a while!

I've had an interesting few weeks. The week off was good, went down to Southampton and had a good laugh. Internet's sorted there, no problems. Work's been good, only one month left (6 weeks from today I'll have finished!).

Dissertation has not gone well, but then I've got a month off at the end of the summer to do stuff, so I think I'll concentrate on doing bits and pieces until then.

I've really got into writing these film reviews on this site:

www.wikpik.com

...and as such it's spurred me on to write to the student paper at Southampton to enquire as to whether I could write some for them. Jon's also set up a site with Gary that I'm hoping I can contribute many reviews to, and I'm gonna enquire about the student TV channel at Southampton as well!

Busy busy busy, and very hot at the moment. I'm feeling quite good about myself at the moment, and hopefully the rest of the summer will continue as it has begun.

Will blog again soon, maybe with some HD videos on the camera. I need to start making some!!!

Ich habe getrunken

It's been a good day today, I've seen Sean, Steph, Jon, TC, Trubes and Birgitte. More of the same will hopefully come!

I've been riding to work for over a week. It's been great riding, I've felt great, but I had a puncture last Sat and I fell off this Friday (see Facebook Notes for a more in-depth illustration of that event). I'm beginning again tomorrow though, so fingers crossed!

I went and moved stuff into 26 last weekend, was nice to see Steph C and I'm going back next week in my paid week of hols (some get all the luck eh!), so that should be good.

Everything really does seem to be kushti at the moment...the nervousness hit on the bus to Woodstock today though, and I had a bit of a stomach issue after eating two week old mozzarella. But otherwise I'm good, even falling off a bike hasn't taken me down too much!

It's been a quick and weird summer so far, I'm seeing uni mates (which I didn't do last summer) and I've not seen much of some people at home, except for the people that I cared to see. I'm also enjoying home life, and getting exercise, feeling more motivated for next year.

If I've missed anything, I'll blog right back, but at the moment I think that's it.

PS. Jon thanks for the comment, it was good to see you today mate, hope we made the three hours more bearable. Let me know RE the twitter thing.

Wrong

Well I should be happier blogging now: I have a job and the camera, and everything's going well. Or not. The nervousness problem I shared with you guys before has reared its ugly head to cause me more problems, namely that I can't step on a bus without freaking out now. Pathetic as hell, but it's ruining my life. It really is! Hopefully I'll get to go and see a doctor about it, because it's pissing me off.

In other news...I've been shitty in regards to meeting up with people, and I guess part of it could be attributed to this problem. But I can't make excuses like that. I've been shit and I'm sorry.

The job is good, perfect hours (which I didn't expect) of 3-7, and 6 quid an hour. The idea that I might bike there is one that could make this nervousness less of a problem, but I need the bike first I think!!!

The camera came, and is the sex. I love it! I haven't filmed anything major but my dad's performance in the YAPS play, and I hope to get an idea on something else soon. Any ideas?

I guess this is some kind of update, so I'll leave it a bit till the next one.

Meh

No camera yet. And I'm nervous about the interview tomorrow. Not that I really need to be, but I am!

Me and Soph are thinking of beginning exercise and toning up, bro and sis not being happy with themselves from a personal point of view. I'm not sure if this idea will go anywhere, but at least we've thought it up eh?

SOOO nice at the moment, but no-one's around to chillax in the village with me so I'm inside all the damn time. Might go and read outside to take advantage of this time I have left before NONE STOP WORK.

That is if I get the job. I have doubts, even if my mother and grandparents think it's a done deal.

I'm also wondering what one should do with one's hair...mum is demanding a cut, but as Soph quite rightly reminds me, it is my hair. I might do something RADICAL with it just to break the monotony of long/short.

Yeah, I'm definitely going outside now. To read if nothing else.

Funny...

...I'm back three days, and I already have a job interview at Summertown's M&S set up for 36 hours a week. And found the HD camcorder I wanted to get on QVC (of all places) for at least 30 quid cheaper than anywhere else.

You wonder when days as good as this will ever come around, and dammit if it doesn't feel like a fried slice of awesomeness. The possibility of a familiar job, as well as earning 200 quid from said job a week, added to the fun and excitement of such a cool gadget actually being mine...it adds up to Will feeling very much happy with everything at the moment.

The thought that I could pay off a month's rent with two weeks work and still have enough to do whatever I want fills me understandably with some glee. And a big weight off my back. And to add to the 500 quid of bursary I just got...something tells me that when I do get free time this summer, I'm gonna probably enjoy spending some moolah!

:-D

(I hope this isn't coming across as the most smug and arrogant blog post ever, it feels that way to me. Hell, I have to get through the interview yet, as well as actually get the camera, so it's not all smiles yet. And the job would be 3 till 11 every night for 5 days a week, so I don't actually forsee a social life for myself this summer!).

Hope stuff's cool with everyone else, let me know!

The End!

That's it, I'm off today for the summer. And only the last few days have I realised that I really enjoyed living in this house with everyone, and now it's over. Shame really! At least I'll be living with the guys next year, but I know I won't see the girls as much, and after today I'm not sure when I'll see Zan again, she's off to Spain for a whole year!

Makes you realise what it's like to make great friends, you always feel shit when you know you won't see them for a while. At least I'm lucky to have people at home to see as well, hopefully this summer will be awesome, and I'll get to see the uni crew a few times (Thorpe Park trip has already been suggested, and I know I'll probably end up in London somehow!).

I'm intending to get a HD camcorder soon with some of the dosh, I'm really looking forward to that, hopefully will get some little films made and put up on t'net! It's something I really want to pursue, and hopefully I can...getting into films would be the best thing ever, not to mention my ambition and a dream at the same time. Still, whether or not I can, I still want to make films for myself, so expect me to be moaning about that all summer!

Anyway...next time I blog, I'll be home. And will probably see you, Jon and Dan, at least a few times this summer!!

Will

"It's not the years, it's the mileage"

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was awesome. Absolutely awesome. I felt this warranted a blog post and so here it is. Go and see it NOW. Because if it's packed on the first night like it was down here, it's going to be HELL tonight, tomorrow, Sunday and particularly Monday.

It's totally worth it. And I'm now wanting to see it again! What was even more awesome was coming back and seeing countless people dressed up as Indy going out to Jesters...it made it feel like the film was everywhere. Not to mention the massive billboard near us with the poster on it!!

United

Well, last night Man United gave me another one of the best moments of my life, and yet again managed to send me right to the brink whilst doing so. It was epic, no other words can really convey it I think. The bar we were in went nuts when John Terry missed his penalty, and when we won...I think I'll get shivers thinking about it just like I did when we won it in '99. I didn't cry this time though, so I like to think I've made progress there!!

Yarnton Nurseries "will phone" when something comes up, which puts paid to that job really. Think it will be M&S in Summertown now, and I don't mind at all. It takes less time to get there than town (let alone Cowley!) and I know people working there, so it's all good. Having that £500 from uni has meant that I could probably afford to not do much for a while now, that's gonna give me the chance to get something (any ideas?) or pay the rent for the first two months in that house!

One week and two days left here...scary, scary stuff as I'll keep saying. We're seeing Indiana Jones tonight, which will be awesome, and then after that it's pretty much the exam on Tuesday and Lost's series finale next Friday to anticipate before I leave Southampton again for home. This is the last time I will do this as well, which, understandably, is really scary. One year left...it hardly seems real.

relaxed

I managed to get the third piece of work done before I went home last week, and as a result was able to hand all three pieces in on Friday, giving me a relaxing weekend when everyone else on the course has been freaking out!

Home was nice, good to do what I've been doing here (nothing) at home, and seeing people. Jon - sorry I didn't text or ring you, I will make up for that when I get back for good and going for a drink or five with you mate!! Had a meal at Maria's for her birthday which was really nice, and saw Sarah as well.

Back at uni - I'm off the betablockers now, which worries me a little bit, as I might well have the nervousness again at some point soon (particularly in my exam, which understandably would not be cool). So I'm gonna attempt to remain calm for the next week, and hope that I can make it through the exam alright. It's two hours, but you can leave at any time, and there are protocols for if you had to leave full-stop. I'm sure I'll be fine, but fingers crossed anyway.

On the job front, M&S in Summertown has vacancies, so when I'm back in June I'll sort out an interview for there if I can. I'm about to phone Yarnton Nurseries though, as the supervisor told Soph yesterday that they might need me (having worked there before) and this is exciting 'cos I'd prefer a good, few days a week job within the village to traipsing to Summertown every day on the bus! Plus I'd get paid more there, I know a lot of the people working there, and the days would be finished at 5.30, meaning I could easily go out any night of the week, which is understandably awesome. Wish me luck!

So hopefully next Wednesday I'll be able to blog and say I made it through the exam, Man United won the European Cup, and I have a summer job sorted! As well as probably blogging for the last time from 104 and from my second year at uni...scary stuff.

freakin' awesome!

That's a good attribution of how I feel at the moment. Two pieces of work DONE a week in advance, half of the last one left to do, and one exam (which became significantly easier to prepare for when we were told the book containing all the Canterbury Tales COULD BE TAKEN IN!). And the best of all...got a letter from the uni awarding me 500 quid in bursary form...I GOT MONEY FOR NOTHING!!! :-D

And I get to go home on Sunday until Thursday! I tell you, I haven't felt this relaxed or chilled out for a while. Fingers crossed this is the period of time when the nervousness dies out completely.

I can only feel that the next few weeks will be more excellent that I thought, the second year of uni finishing, going home, three months off, coupled with the final few weeks of uni, Man U potentially winning the title AND European Cup, and Indiana Jones coming out, not to mention the three hour finale of Lost.

In all respects, my life, as it stands at this particular moment in time, is nothing short of awesome. Hell, if I could randomly generate myself a girlfriend I think that it would all just be complete!!!

I don't want to appear like I'm bragging, but it really is this good. Hopefully at home I'll get to see Maria and help her have a good birthday, as well as maybe phoning up about jobs and possibly even sorting one out before I'm back for good. If anyone knows of anything I'd appreciate it, full-time or a lot of hours.

Hope everyone is alright at the moment, and that I haven't just pissed you all off with this blog. But it's not often everything goes right for me, so I felt compelled to go on about it!

it's sure been a while

Bloody hell, almost a month since I blogged. And I've been back that long, which scares me even more!

Well...I've suffered through this nervousness, gotten beta blockers, enjoyed their side effects, seemingly gotten over said nervousness, been to swansea to see sarah (and saw marc and penny too) and started knuckling down on one of my three big pieces of work.

Oh, and added Twitter (thanks to Dan displaying it on his blog!).

What else?

Well...really I've been feeling a lot better about myself this week, really enjoying uni, not feeling nervous, getting into the work and discussions. Basically what I wasn't doing the previous two weeks! I only have next week and I'm done for teaching, so it's a shame I feel better now. But I couldn't control how I was feeling, I'm just glad it's seemingly done with now.

Hope uni's gearing down ok for everyone else as well, can you believe we'll have done TWO YEARS in about a months time? Madness isn't it! Where's the time gone?

An altogether more positive and happier Will out...

I've just realised...

...you guys have been commenting on here for ages, and I've never been notified. My sincerest apologies for what would seem to be rude behaviour in the extreme, but is really plain laziness and computer error.

My leg's fine, still annoying but hopefully will go away soon. So sorry I didn't know about the comments guys, I'm a terrible blogger and a lazy friend!

four weeks left

I'm back in 104 Tennyson Road, for four more weeks of taught term, and then I'm done for the second year of university! Quite a frightening and rather sobering thought. I've done some work in advance, which always feels good, but what's even better is now I'm back, and the work is done, there's no need for me to worry about it over the next week. And what's EVEN EVEN better is that I still feel that little bit of motivation to continue with the work I've done on the assessed stuff that's in for the END of May...after the semester is done. Talk about pleased with myself...!

So...easter? I enjoyed it for the obvious reason that I could stay at home and do nothing all day. Obviously, had people been more enthusiastic about going out and such, I would have had a better one, but I'm not to expect that I guess. I saw who I wanted and I really shouldn't expect much more. I already know that the summer will hold some amazing times, so I'm waiting in anticipation of that instead! It's not long till then anyway, so a full-time job, home and seeing people at home will raise the spirits that become a little dampened by the work and such this term!

I do feel more optimistic in myself, say in comparison to last year, but now that the work matters and everything is building towards the end (the dissertation is gathering steam already), I feel prepared. Particularly in that I get to write a dissertation on the very thing I dreamt of writing a dissertation about over the past 5/6 years of my life...Lord of the Rings. If that's not a good enough reason for me to enjoy the rest of uni, and to approach the dissertation in a positive mindframe, then I don't know what is!!

Hope everyone's got back into uni alright (ie Dan and Jon). I'll try to keep everything updated, though I will probably not update the blog for a good few weeks...semester mixed with a trip to Swansea and other such events will inevitably mean I have no time at all to blog, but I'll try my best.

how does one bring in a new start?

I'm interested in trying to change the way I live, and I always say this, but this time I'd like it to stay that way. I need to become less sensitive and more hardened, and perhaps less lazy and more productive, the latter quite a tall order!

Any ideas of keeping this going, making it a permanent thing? Or should I just deal with who I am and how I live and accept it?

Define irony...

interesting night

We hit Jesters last night, and I saw Amy K from home. Hadn't seen her in ages and danced like MAD with her, which, other than the general catching up, was awesome. Always nice to see someone I know, especially down here and especially someone I was such good mates with in school. Hopefully gonna see her over Easter as well, which will be awesome.

Didn't get drunk...how proud of myself am I? Going home tomorrow, looking somewhat forward to it (nah, extremely excited about seeing everyone and generally having a good month's rest!!!)! I feel like I'm gonna miss uni a lot this time, got really used to the routine of it, and I will certainly miss people more this hol! But then this shows the excellence of my social life at the moment, I have enough great friends at home and uni that this is perfect. I don't mean to brag by the way!

All in all...I'm feeling awesome at the moment. Really really good! The pain in my leg is a pulled muscle, which won't go away for ages I know, but I at least have the Ibruprofen to totally nullify it now! So all is good!!!

concerned

I've had pain in my upper leg and lower stomach region the last week and a half, nothing that really hurts but irritation. It's really worrying and pissing me off, thankfully I'm off to the doctor's today. I hope it's nothing bad. Quite worried about it at the moment, but I guess that if it's not hurting, then it will probably something like an infection or a muscle strain.

Hopefully!

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Need to finish the essay...I've started it, but I really need to crack on with it! It's getting harder to motivate myself at the moment, what with easter only five days away. But there you go!

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I have so much work to do over easter at home it's ridiculous...I've never had work I ACTUALLY have to do at home before at uni! Ah well, first time for everything I guess.

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I'll blog again when I find out what's wrong with me...fingers crossed it's nothing bad eh?